Project Description

2013/01

Should Christians Date?

As a father, with a daughter all too quickly approaching teenage years, I should probably declare my membership in DADD (Dads Against Daughters’ Dating). Their tagline, ‘Shoot the first and the word will spread’, may not make me the most suitable person to answer this question!

However, since a swift “NO!” is unlikely to suffice, let’s look more closely at the subject.

In Genesis 2:18, God tells us that it is “not good for man to be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”. The Hebrew word translated “alone” means something like ‘incomplete’. God intended Adam and Eve to complement one another, to fit perfectly together like pieces of a puzzle. Eve completed Adam, just as Adam completed Eve. The work of creation was not finalised until both man and woman were together.

Having created Adam and Eve, God instituted marriage, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24). Clearly, God intends men and women to get married and stay together for life. We are given general descriptions of the kind of spouse we should be looking for (Proverbs 31), and how they should be treated (Ephesians 5), but not how to go about finding that person.

Some Biblical methods of finding perfect wives include: having a bride crafted for you out of a rib (Adam, Gen. 2:21); having your father’s aged servant go on a long arduous journey back to your homeland to find a suitable bride (Isaac, Gen. 24); finding a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock (Moses, Exod. 2:16-21); or purchasing a piece of land, and getting a woman as part of the deal (Boaz, Ruth 4:5-10)!  Unfortunately, there is no such list available for women who want to find a husband – unless, of course, you are willing to water the camels of a servant! (See Genesis 24:14).

Our problems begin when we attempt to solve this issue by using the methods of the world: by dating indiscriminately in the hope of finding Mr/Miss Right.  You do not have to date a whole bunch of people to discover who is the right person for you. God is not an Author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). Dating someone different every week only shows that you’re confused and not in step with God, who would have us to “prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2). Ask God sincerely, and He will show you, in His time.

Believers should be focused on finding a mate, not on dating per se. When God created Eve, He created her with the intention of marriage. The Bible refers to couples meeting with the intention of marrying, but there is nothing about casual dating. Believers should follow the precedent set in the Bible, not the pattern promoted by the world. God wants us to develop relationships that lead to marriage. That is how we were designed. For the Christian, the only purpose of dating is this – to find your wife or your husband.

Some final thoughts

  1. Refuse to conform to peer pressure to pair-off.
  2. Ask yourself, ‘why do I want this relationship?’ Is it about pride, self-esteem, even lust?  Don’t date someone just because you have ‘fallen in love with him/her’.
  3. Think and pray before you invest time and energy in any relationship.   Pray with both eyes closed. Don’t let looks alone determine with whom you go out. Inner beauty and Christian character are far more important than fading outward appearance.  Allow the Lord to direct you, without seeking to dictate to Him. “The Lord seeth not as man seeth for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart,” (1 Sam. 16:7)
  4. Is the person you date approved by your parents, and by those church leaders that “watch for your souls”? (Hebrews 13:17)
  5. Do nothing that would harm another – whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Remember you may not end up marrying him/her; he/she could become someone else’s husband/wife.
  6. See that he or she grows spiritually and continues to serve God faithfully.

So should Christians date? If the answer is ‘Yes’, then it is about seeking to conform our conduct to the timeless principles of God’s Word – at all times. Remember that courtship is the precursor to marriage – when we lose sight of that, we invite trouble.

Rev. Ralph Hall