Project Description

2014/03

What Makes a Good Friendship?

The concept of friendship in childhood is, of course, undeveloped. Likewise, we all accept that having hundreds of contacts on some networking site is not an accurate way to guage friendships. What makes for a good friendship, then? I take as accepted the premise that believers will forge their deepest of friendships with other believers. Further, the number and type of friendships we maintain does tend to change as the years progress. As life moves on, and marriage, family and work pressures increase, so the frequency of contact within friendships lessens. We accept all of this, and yet we also see that the Bible highlights the value of a good Christian friendship.

It must also be said that if and when we marry, no friendship should be stronger than the one we form and nurture with our spouse.  As we deal with the practicalities of Christian friendship, keep in mind the following:

1. It is a myth to imagine that we can be close friends with everyone: sincere Christians will be affable, kind and courteous to all (Matthew 5:43, 44). Within a youth fellowship or the local church, it is wholly unacceptable for unfriendliness, in the general sense, to exist. Sadly, it does – but it shouldn’t. That said, we are not going to be best friends with everyone in the church. Individual personality traits, likes and dislikes will naturally lead us to find more common ground with some than with others. The friendship of David and Jonathan illustrates this point. While David had other mighty men he could rely upon, only Jonathan was regarded as a close friend (1 Samuel 20:32;
2 Samuel 1:26).What matters is that we are careful to maintain the balance so as not to cause offence to any – especially those new to a fellowship.

2. A good friend will listen as well as talk: that old cliché is true, and furthermore, it is biblical. Exodus 33:11 may not be the first verse we turn to when considering the subject of Christian friendship but it is worth examining.  “And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend.”

Surely it is incredible to think that in order to illustrate the essence of intimacy that existed between the LORD God and His servant Moses, we are given this comparison: as a man speaketh unto his friend. The one sheds light upon the other. Moses enjoyed close communion in and before the presence of God. When reading the entire chapter we discover the intensity of this communion especially in the prayer life of Moses. He both spoke to the Lord and, of course, listened to His voice.

The basis of any friendship worth regarding is the ability to be both a genuine listener and a careful advisor. True listening is not simply tolerating or putting up with the other until we get our say; it is actually taking on board the concerns of our friend. The advice must be seasoned with fairness, understanding and compassion, while remaining true to the Word of God.

3. Biblical wisdom must permeate Christian friendships: the book of Proverbs is synonymous with wisdom and it has much to say in relation to friends and friendships. The ability to apply the precepts of biblical wisdom within our companionships is what differentiates between true and shallow. It does mean that a faithful friendship, worth keeping, is going to require effort.

It will be a candid and reasonable friendship. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6). Our truest friends, as fellow Christians, will not allow us to continue in obvious sin, but will instead try to recover us. There are other factors that need to be remembered in such a situation, but for now simply stating this is sufficient (see also James 5:19,20 and Galatians 6:1 for more instruction on the matter). If a gentle rebuke towards our friend is required, then we must give it in the spirit of meekness, considering ourselves. We know that while our words may seem as wounds, they are for the ultimate good. Better to receive the faithful rebuke of one friend than the superficial compliments of many!

It will be an ‘all-weather’ friendship “A friend loveth at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). Bible commentator Matthew Henry wrote, ‘That is not true friendship which is not constant… swallow-friends, that fly to you in summer, but are gone in winter; such friends there is no loss of’.

The tough, testing times of life tend to do two things simultaneously: provoke the disappearance of some who once professed friendship, and encourage the manifestation of others, who not counted as close before, now show their godly qualities and are there at all times. In doing so they reflect the beauty of Christ who, “having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.” (John 13:1).

By God’ grace, this is the type of friend we should be, and the friendship we should seek!

Rev Patrick Baker.